Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Craziness

I feel like such a slacker on posting lately. I have had so much on my mind that there aren't a lot of great post ideas that have been popping up. My almost-three year-old has been having behavioral problems the past couple of weeks, my husband just switched companies and is out of town all week, and...I am going to start in-vitro in a couple of weeks. Which, not surprisingly, is very scary and intimidating.

So much has been going through my mind, and I am a little bit ashamed to admit that part of my crazy thoughts have been about the potential weight I could gain as I go through this process, (you have to stop exercising and be on bed-rest for a while.) I know, it is the last thing I should worry about, but I feel like I have worked so hard for this progress I have made, and worried that I won't be strong enough to be super strict with my eating while dealing with all of the drugs that I have to take, etc. (That is another story in itself, how many drugs I have to take...)

Then, pregnancy. I gained over 50 lbs last time. I have a small frame, and near the end of my term, I could barely walk because my body couldn't handle all the weight. It was miserable. I am DETERMINED to not gain that much weight again, but I have to admit I am really scared.

I am opening up like this because I would like to come to terms with it all before the process actually happens. I don't want my brain and all these fears to ruin everything.

So bear with me, and I will hopefully be able to at least post some of the time. Just may not be as frequently as I have in the past.

3 comments:

Marisa (Trim The Fat) said...

Jen, sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way! Good luck with in-vitro and do what you need to for yourself; everything will work itself out:)

IRJessica said...

It sounds like you have your work cut out for you! My 2.5 yo just went through (hopefully) a terrible phase. She had trouble thinking of words when she got frustrated.......... and she hit and bit and scratched. People started to know her by reputation. Sigh. It was terrible. She only 'attacked' her very best friends. Anyways, the good news is that it was less than four weeks and after a gazillion time outs, lectures, you name it- she seems to be doing much better (knock on wood). Hopefully your little one will grow out of it soon too.

How long is the bed rest? That sounds very difficult.

Melody said...

Don't feel guilty! I lost 50 lbs before my last baby and gained it all back with the pregnancy and after he was born. I was so disappointed in myself. I am now fighting to lose the last 20 lbs. Just try not to slip back into old habits. Maybe the blog will keep you on track. This sounds cheesy, but I look at my little guy and know that he was worth it.