It Has To Be Different This Time

I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. I have missed 2 or 3 weigh-ins for one reason or another. I feel like I've hit a plateau and I have only been back on Weight Watchers for about 11 weeks. I now weigh about 136 (Starting weight this time was 144) and have been at this weight (+ or - a pound) for 3 weeks now. I am still exercising, and still counting points. I've messed up a couple of times, but not too badly. I feel like this is my body's "happy weight." It is the weight that I can always reach with a little effort, but it seems to be impossible to go lower. I am only 5'3" and that is still higher than I want to be.

Roni, one of my inspirations, said in one of her blog posts, that if you quit, you will definitely fail. This really helped me today. I had gotten home from church, eaten lunch, and put my toddler down for a nap. All I could think about was chocolate chip cookies. I could not get them out of my head. I wasn't too worried, though, because I knew I wasn't going to go to all the effort of baking them. So I ate a Healthy Choice Fudgesickle instead. I watched a couple of recorded shows with my husband (The Office and Grey's Anatomy) and the chocolate chip cookie bug hit me again. I still wasn't that worried until I walked into my kitchen and saw that my husband had taken me seriously and there was a package of Pillsbury Cookie Dough sitting on the counter, thawing out. It had been hidden by him in the freezer.

Now what to do? I wanted those cookies more than anything. Here was my conversation to myself:
"It would just be one day, you could be good again tomorrow."
"You are going to England next week, and you aren't going to be perfect, so why not get back on track after the trip?"
"You could eat these now and have a 2 Pt. dinner" (This one almost won out)

But then I thought about Roni's statement. How many times have I gotten to this weight, felt a little better about myself, and then quit? Then the rollercoaster begins again. Making this a lifestyle is what needs to happen. I can't live a lifestyle where it is ok to binge all the time. Because believe me, I can never just eat one or two cookies. It has to be at least 5 or 6.

In the end, I ate one little round of cookie dough, and convinced my husband to pack it up and put it back in the freezer. Then I went and took a nap, and when I woke up, no cookie cravings!

A small one, but a victory nonetheless.
Baby steps.